let's make this moment a crime..

this post is being co-brought to you by the guy at work who had a serious discussion with another co-worker that ended with "maybe R2D2 is Spock's dad?", the foreign guy that i didn't know at the bar on Saturday who got me to ask a girl her name for him (no dice), and 16-year-olds at the mall using their ears as cigarette holders..

another guy i work with wears his sunglasses while indoors.. apparently he's from Hollywood, lived really close to a celebrity and is trying to start a trend.. which he is: people making fun of him behind his back.. on the douche scale, he's right below Ryan Seacrest..

was at Shopko on Saturday and when i was checking out, the cashier guy asked me if i had the "Shopko Reward Zone" card or whatever the hell it's called.. i said no and that i wasn't interested in it.. he says, "you do know that it's a free discount card, right?".. that's cool, you do know that you're a 35-year-old man working as a cashier at Shopko, right? which one of us has probably made the greater number of good decisions in our life?

how do old people fart without realizing it? seriously, that sound meant you either farted or stepped on a duck.. and neither should go unnoticed.. learn how to drive too, you don't need a blinker on for 13 blocks.. spread the word at the next shuffleboard tournament..

Thanksgiving is three days away.. here's what i do.. eat as much as humanly possible, lay on the couch and watch the football games until i fall asleep.. then i wake up and eat leftover pumpkin pie until i feel sick.. i imagine many people celebrate the same way.. probably in my top 10 favorite holidays..

Hollister, get some better clothes and turn down the Jonas Brothers and/or Weezer album.. every time i go in there, i leave pissed off.. and hire someone who wasn't homecoming king or queen.. American Eagle, keep up the good work, i like your style..

saw my first Salvation Army bell ringer outside Cash Wise last week.. i don't remember the last time i went past one of them without putting some coin in.. it just gets me in the Christmas spirit, they're always so cheerful, especially for sitting outside in freezing weather ringing a bell for hours without getting paid.. not enough people like that..

heard this question posed to females on the radio today: do you like when guys let you win at something? the overwhelming answer was that they didn't, going easy on them just made them feel worse.. which makes sense, it is 2008.. so don't go easy, dominate them if you can.. hopefully they'll be motivated to return the favor later.. you know, like in bed, sexually..

roommate text of the past week: "i think i just witnessed goat rape"..

with the new position at work, i was forced to take a half-hour unpaid lunch break which i don't prefer because i'd rather get out of there a half-hour earlier.. anyway, i was conversing with my mom about ways to spend this half-hour and she recommended bringing a book to read.. which would be a solid idea, if the book i was reading wasn't the "Men's Health read this and be really good at sex" book (paraphrasing).. i don't need a trip to the HR office because i'm in the lunch room reading about oral sex techniques.. instead, i've opted for Men's Health magazines so far, which can be just as R-rated but cleverly disguised in a well-respected magazine.. in a related story: i'm one of the smarter people i know..

CHG update: she loves Christmas, hot chocolate, the Vikings and Twins, kids, Target, music, "America's Funniest Home Videos", beer, wings and nachos, and when i text her while out with friends, to name a few.. bottom line: cute as ever..

in the "ridiculous comparison with a celebrity that makes me feel somewhat attractive" department, i was told i look kinda like Mark Wahlberg last week by a woman i've never met.. normally i wouldn't take it seriously and take off my shirt to prove that i'm not him, but that wasn't the first time i've been told that.. someone at a bar at least a year ago said the same thing.. the common denominator in each occurrence? i was wearing a goofy hat i bought at Target for $7.. apparently it doesn't cost a lot to make me look good.. and speaking of big heads, i guess they work well when trying to sport goofy lids and not so well for childbirth.. sorry mom..

we ended up with a naked girl in the hot tub on Friday.. how, you ask? find a girl with no self-respect, add alcohol for three hours and mix well with dancing.. Friday was the first night i met her but i had heard legendary stories before this about her asking random guys to have sex with her while walking down the street after the bar.. i didn't drink much at the bar because i was going into work on Saturday morning, so when i left around midnight i asked if anyone wanted a ride back.. a roommate, his gal, naked hot tub girl and a roommates buddy came along.. right when we get in the house, roommate brings up the hot tub and asks naked hot tub girl if she has her swimsuit, knowing full well that she didn't.. she says "no, but i'll go in naked if i have a shot".. i thought girls with that attitude were complete myths, you know, like the tooth fairy, the g-spot and "don't swim for an hour after eating".. i don't have many rules, but one is "if a girl is going in the hot tub naked, i'm going to make an effort to be in there as well" if only for the comedy factor, which was the case here.. so we get in the hot tub and she lives up to her promise by disrobing her bottom half before climbing in, which is more uncomfortable to watch than you'd think when it's a stranger and you've only had three beers, proving the "never go to a strip club sober" theory.. she finishes off beer number one and starts mouthing off about sitting on the edge of the hot tub if someone goes to get another beer for her.. with my empty beer and roommate convincing me, i braved the elements and returned.. when she offered to give out lap dances if someone turned music on, i decided to call it a night but not before turning on the radio and leaving her and roommates buddy to enjoy each other.. which lasted quite a while, judging by the time of which the beer bottle was punted across the kitchen when they came in, waking me up and scaring me shitless.. all in all, an entertaining night, to say the least..


no sex book update this time either, not enough time to read it lately.. it'll be worth the wait though, i promise..


Lyrics of the Week

"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate
I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This, oh this this is our fate
I'm yours


"Better Together" by Jack Johnson

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

mmmmmmm

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're better together


"Sweet Thing" by Keith Urban

When I picked you up for our first date baby
Well, your pretty blue eyes, they were drivin' me crazy
And the tiny little thought that was so amazing
is they were lookin at me.

I held open the car door for you then you climbed
inside and slid on over
To the other side.. I thought my, oh my..

Sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the Cottonwood tree
It's a good thing and I'm wishin
C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing

Yeah I know I'm gonna see you first thing tomorrow
But I just couldn't wait so I had to borrow
Uncle Jake's Mustang, its his favorite car
and so I can't stay long..

Standin here feeling like a love struck Romeo
All I wanna do is hold you close and steal a little
more time, is that such a crime?

Sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the Cottonwood tree
It's a good thing and I'm wishin
C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing

Sweet thing, sweet thing..

Oh my sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the Cottonwood tree
It's a good thing and tell me I'm not dreamin
C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing

oh cmon sweet thing, sweet thing, sweet thing..


"Don't" by Billy Currington

Don't you hate hearing that clock on the wall chiming
Saying its time and
Don't you just wish we could stay right here together all day long
You know it wouldn't be a crime if we crawled back into bed
Got as close as we could get
Tried to figure out where this thing is going

Baby, baby, don't,
Don't you say you re leaving
Why don't you stay a little bit longer?
Got it going on and I just cant believe it
This feeling, it just keeps getting stronger

If you gotta go, you gotta know I might go crazy
Here without you baby
Reliving every kiss, you ain't leaving me like this
It just ain't right and wait until tonight to light another flame
You know it wouldn't be the same
As the fire we got burning this morning

Baby, baby, don't
Don't you say you're leaving
Why don't you stay a little bit longer?
Got it going on and I just cant believe it
This feeling, it just keeps getting stronger

No, no one else can love me like you do
You know I ain't even close to through
Loving you...

Baby, baby, don't
Don't you say you re leaving
Why don't you stay a little bit longer?
Got it going on and I just cant believe it
This feeling, it just keeps getting stronger


"Kiss You Good Morning" by Jake Owen

I was good at the game,
when I had nothing to lose.
Then you started playing,
and changed all of the rules.
I stole my share of good hearts in the night,
then vanished before the dawn,
but for the first time in my life I know exactly what I want

I wanna kiss you good morning, let's not let this one end in
goodnight.
It's just the start of our story, and the ending is no where in sight.
I wanna hold you all night,
in the first sign of light, everyday for the rest of my life.
From now on I wanna kiss you good morning.

It's never been me
to open every door,
or leave little notes,
or spill my heart on the floor.
I wanna cross that sacred line that says now we're more than friends.
I wanna drink that lover's wine, fall asleep and then

I wanna kiss you good morning, let's not let this one end in
goodnight.
It's just the start of our story, and the ending is no where in sight.
I wanna hold you all night,
in the first sign of light, everyday for the rest of my life.
From now on I wanna kiss you good morning.

There's no better way than to start everyday
Lying next to the one you love.
So baby tonight you can close your eyes
And tomorrow when you wake up I'm gonna kiss you good morning.

I wanna hold you all night,
in the first sign of light, everyday for the rest of my life.
From now on I wanna kiss you good morning.