i saw her standing there..

this post is being unofficially brought to you by the guys at the mall tonight dressed in all black with pink hair, javelins in their cheeks and holes the size of quarters in their earlobes.. rough childhood, i'm guessing..

my roommate sent me a text today of the "bumper sticker of the day" which read, "drive it like you stole it", narrowly beating out "i'd rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford".. cool..

i was at Cash Wise on Sunday checking out and this boy (i'm guessing around age 2) was having a total meltdown about not being able to get candy or something.. then he turns on the charm with a "but i wuv you".. mom caved in immediately but had she not, i was prepared to buy it for him..

the Vikings played their first game of the season last night and my brother was in San Diego for work and had a meeting that started when the game did.. my job was to text him pretty much everything that was happening until he was able to watch.. one of the Vikings defensive backs got beat for a long catch and after i told him who got burned, he replied with "shoot him".. he was watching for about 3 seconds before i get a call from him that included about 37 "fucks" and the word "cunt".. one of my rules is: every time your brother uses the word "cunt" over the phone, it's blog-worthy.. our family likes sports..

there are more benefits to sex for guys than "that cool tingly sensation" and promotions at work.. Men's Health says it can also boost your immune system, cut your prostate-cancer risk, halve your risk of a fatal heart attack, ignite your fat burners and de-stress your mind.. during a passionate bout of sex, men use 143 muscles and torch as many calories as during a 15-minute jog.. with presumably less burning in the calves and a smaller risk of vomiting.. and by "passionate", i assume they mean more of the "kitchen counter/table/floor right now!" variety and less of the "can't it wait until after Conan?" kind..

since i went with the Men's Health tidbit, i feel like i should display some gender equality and share something from Cosmo.. luckily for you, i read some of both.. and that "luckily for you" is obviously not including my future wife and anyone who has to be seen in public with me.. anyway, this question was posed to 30,000 men: If you could only experience one move during intercourse for the rest of your life, it would be ___. the leader in the clubhouse at 41% is "hearing her moan".. the rest of the answers get fairly graphic and i agreed wholeheartedly with that answer so we're not going any further, other than to make fun of the 1% of guys who said "her slapping my butt".. because that's cooler than her sex noises?.. you realize you didn't just kick the game-winning field goal, right?.. figure it out..

so yesterday at work i notice i have a giant hole in the crotch of my jeans.. i assume this doesn't meet the standards of the employee dress code but the Vikings played at 6:00 last night so there was no time to stop and buy new pants.. this morning i decided i could weather one more day with the crotchless jeans if i put a couple safety pins down there, breaking my "never intentionally put anything sharp within 6 inches of your beanbag" rule.. sporting my fanciest pair of boxer/briefs in case of a wardrobe malfunction, i braved 8 hours of work with no mishaps.. stopped at Target on the way home and i can NEVER remember what size of jeans i wear.. so there i am looking like some lunatic trying to look at the size on my tag, unsuccessfully.. i ended up having to break the "man law" of "never try on clothes before purchasing".. while in the dressing room, i hear a girls voice say "this is really tight on my boobs" and wish i was in there saying Chandler's line of "uhh, i can check that for ya".. bottom line: i went into Target to buy cheap work jeans and i came out with jeans, something called "knit pants" which definitely hug my ass in all the right places, a Popeye t-shirt which says "strong to the finish" (like i'm not buying that), 4 pairs of boxer/briefs and 2 hats which are usually reserved for cab drivers or train conductors.. a half hour and $103 later, i walk out completely satisfied (insert prostitution joke here).. the lesson, as always: i'm an idiot..

ignoring every ounce of common sense in my head, i ran a 5K for colon cancer research this past Saturday.. i was actually asked to do it by my twin sister who runs quite often, so i was happy to do it.. luckily nobody in our family has had colon cancer to my knowledge but it's always a good feeling knowing you contributed to a cause like that.. due to a cold the previous week and my avoidance of the gym the 2 weeks previous of that, i was not in condition to run 3.1 miles.. they had paint on the ground at the 1-mile and 2-mile marks, both of which i assumed were the finish line and that i was being Punk'd.. plus, i got passed by a man pushing a stroller, never a positive occurrence in any setting.. in any event, i never stopped to walk, which was my main goal and ended up finishing with a blistering time of 29:02 ("blistering" referring to my feet).. somewhere Usain Bolt is blushing.. training begins now for the 2012 Olympics.. assuming "napping" is added as an event by then..


Lyrics of the Week

"She's More" by Andy Griggs

I like blue eyes, hers are green
Not like the woman of my dreams
And her hair's not quite as long as I had planned
Five foot three isn't tall
She's not the girl I pictured at all
In those paint by number fantasies I've had

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more

No, it wasn't at first sight
But the moment I looked twice
I saw the woman I was born to love
Her laughter fills my soul
And when I hold her I don't wanna let go
When it comes to her I can't get enough

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more

More than I dreamed of
More than any man deserves
I couldn't ask for more
Than a love like hers

So it took me by complete surprise
When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes
She's not at all what I was looking for
She's more


"Rush Together" by Quietdrive

They grew up in the same old town
Never knowing the other was around
Read from the same damn books
Never gave each others looks

But one day the sun will shine, I know
For their eyes have told me so
Chasing advice from those who say I've lost my mind

Rush together to find each other
No, it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument
That you still can't hear at all

So that's how the story goes, so far
I'll tell you the rest but now I'm tired of what I think
A situation where I can't sing
But I hate the vagrant life, I know
Nothing has been more sold, til now
Living my life after those who say I've lost my mind

Rush together to find each other
No, it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument
That you still can't hear at all

So what do you say?
So what do you say?
Can we turn this clock back 13 years and relate?
I won't mind, can we stay?

But isn't it fate? But isn't it fate?
That we spilled our guts on this very day
I don't mind
I want to, I want to stay

Rush together to find each other
No, it's too late
You can never wait for luck
Together playing the same instrument

Are you listening at all?
Are you listening at all?


"For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger

Alright (Yeah)

Wandering the streets in a world underneath it all
But nothing seems to be
Nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair round your finger
But tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you

Oh I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, for you I will

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar
I've crossed you in hallways a thousand times
No more camouflage
I want to be exposed
And not be afraid to fall

Oh I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will

You always want what you can’t have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will, for you I will, for you...

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a moon, I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room

That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do

To get through to you, yeah


"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest


"Tiny Vessels" by Death Cab For Cutie

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me

I spent two weeks in Silver lake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me
Yeah, she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
All the playful misspellings
And every bite I gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did, and so did I that day

All I see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "Is something wrong?"
I think "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now
No, we can't talk about it now"

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me