let's make this moment a crime..

this post is being co-brought to you by the guy at work who had a serious discussion with another co-worker that ended with "maybe R2D2 is Spock's dad?", the foreign guy that i didn't know at the bar on Saturday who got me to ask a girl her name for him (no dice), and 16-year-olds at the mall using their ears as cigarette holders..

another guy i work with wears his sunglasses while indoors.. apparently he's from Hollywood, lived really close to a celebrity and is trying to start a trend.. which he is: people making fun of him behind his back.. on the douche scale, he's right below Ryan Seacrest..

was at Shopko on Saturday and when i was checking out, the cashier guy asked me if i had the "Shopko Reward Zone" card or whatever the hell it's called.. i said no and that i wasn't interested in it.. he says, "you do know that it's a free discount card, right?".. that's cool, you do know that you're a 35-year-old man working as a cashier at Shopko, right? which one of us has probably made the greater number of good decisions in our life?

how do old people fart without realizing it? seriously, that sound meant you either farted or stepped on a duck.. and neither should go unnoticed.. learn how to drive too, you don't need a blinker on for 13 blocks.. spread the word at the next shuffleboard tournament..

Thanksgiving is three days away.. here's what i do.. eat as much as humanly possible, lay on the couch and watch the football games until i fall asleep.. then i wake up and eat leftover pumpkin pie until i feel sick.. i imagine many people celebrate the same way.. probably in my top 10 favorite holidays..

Hollister, get some better clothes and turn down the Jonas Brothers and/or Weezer album.. every time i go in there, i leave pissed off.. and hire someone who wasn't homecoming king or queen.. American Eagle, keep up the good work, i like your style..

saw my first Salvation Army bell ringer outside Cash Wise last week.. i don't remember the last time i went past one of them without putting some coin in.. it just gets me in the Christmas spirit, they're always so cheerful, especially for sitting outside in freezing weather ringing a bell for hours without getting paid.. not enough people like that..

heard this question posed to females on the radio today: do you like when guys let you win at something? the overwhelming answer was that they didn't, going easy on them just made them feel worse.. which makes sense, it is 2008.. so don't go easy, dominate them if you can.. hopefully they'll be motivated to return the favor later.. you know, like in bed, sexually..

roommate text of the past week: "i think i just witnessed goat rape"..

with the new position at work, i was forced to take a half-hour unpaid lunch break which i don't prefer because i'd rather get out of there a half-hour earlier.. anyway, i was conversing with my mom about ways to spend this half-hour and she recommended bringing a book to read.. which would be a solid idea, if the book i was reading wasn't the "Men's Health read this and be really good at sex" book (paraphrasing).. i don't need a trip to the HR office because i'm in the lunch room reading about oral sex techniques.. instead, i've opted for Men's Health magazines so far, which can be just as R-rated but cleverly disguised in a well-respected magazine.. in a related story: i'm one of the smarter people i know..

CHG update: she loves Christmas, hot chocolate, the Vikings and Twins, kids, Target, music, "America's Funniest Home Videos", beer, wings and nachos, and when i text her while out with friends, to name a few.. bottom line: cute as ever..

in the "ridiculous comparison with a celebrity that makes me feel somewhat attractive" department, i was told i look kinda like Mark Wahlberg last week by a woman i've never met.. normally i wouldn't take it seriously and take off my shirt to prove that i'm not him, but that wasn't the first time i've been told that.. someone at a bar at least a year ago said the same thing.. the common denominator in each occurrence? i was wearing a goofy hat i bought at Target for $7.. apparently it doesn't cost a lot to make me look good.. and speaking of big heads, i guess they work well when trying to sport goofy lids and not so well for childbirth.. sorry mom..

we ended up with a naked girl in the hot tub on Friday.. how, you ask? find a girl with no self-respect, add alcohol for three hours and mix well with dancing.. Friday was the first night i met her but i had heard legendary stories before this about her asking random guys to have sex with her while walking down the street after the bar.. i didn't drink much at the bar because i was going into work on Saturday morning, so when i left around midnight i asked if anyone wanted a ride back.. a roommate, his gal, naked hot tub girl and a roommates buddy came along.. right when we get in the house, roommate brings up the hot tub and asks naked hot tub girl if she has her swimsuit, knowing full well that she didn't.. she says "no, but i'll go in naked if i have a shot".. i thought girls with that attitude were complete myths, you know, like the tooth fairy, the g-spot and "don't swim for an hour after eating".. i don't have many rules, but one is "if a girl is going in the hot tub naked, i'm going to make an effort to be in there as well" if only for the comedy factor, which was the case here.. so we get in the hot tub and she lives up to her promise by disrobing her bottom half before climbing in, which is more uncomfortable to watch than you'd think when it's a stranger and you've only had three beers, proving the "never go to a strip club sober" theory.. she finishes off beer number one and starts mouthing off about sitting on the edge of the hot tub if someone goes to get another beer for her.. with my empty beer and roommate convincing me, i braved the elements and returned.. when she offered to give out lap dances if someone turned music on, i decided to call it a night but not before turning on the radio and leaving her and roommates buddy to enjoy each other.. which lasted quite a while, judging by the time of which the beer bottle was punted across the kitchen when they came in, waking me up and scaring me shitless.. all in all, an entertaining night, to say the least..


no sex book update this time either, not enough time to read it lately.. it'll be worth the wait though, i promise..


Lyrics of the Week

"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate
I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This, oh this this is our fate
I'm yours


"Better Together" by Jack Johnson

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

mmmmmmm

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're better together


"Sweet Thing" by Keith Urban

When I picked you up for our first date baby
Well, your pretty blue eyes, they were drivin' me crazy
And the tiny little thought that was so amazing
is they were lookin at me.

I held open the car door for you then you climbed
inside and slid on over
To the other side.. I thought my, oh my..

Sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the Cottonwood tree
It's a good thing and I'm wishin
C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing

Yeah I know I'm gonna see you first thing tomorrow
But I just couldn't wait so I had to borrow
Uncle Jake's Mustang, its his favorite car
and so I can't stay long..

Standin here feeling like a love struck Romeo
All I wanna do is hold you close and steal a little
more time, is that such a crime?

Sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the Cottonwood tree
It's a good thing and I'm wishin
C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing

Sweet thing, sweet thing..

Oh my sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the Cottonwood tree
It's a good thing and tell me I'm not dreamin
C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing

oh cmon sweet thing, sweet thing, sweet thing..


"Don't" by Billy Currington

Don't you hate hearing that clock on the wall chiming
Saying its time and
Don't you just wish we could stay right here together all day long
You know it wouldn't be a crime if we crawled back into bed
Got as close as we could get
Tried to figure out where this thing is going

Baby, baby, don't,
Don't you say you re leaving
Why don't you stay a little bit longer?
Got it going on and I just cant believe it
This feeling, it just keeps getting stronger

If you gotta go, you gotta know I might go crazy
Here without you baby
Reliving every kiss, you ain't leaving me like this
It just ain't right and wait until tonight to light another flame
You know it wouldn't be the same
As the fire we got burning this morning

Baby, baby, don't
Don't you say you're leaving
Why don't you stay a little bit longer?
Got it going on and I just cant believe it
This feeling, it just keeps getting stronger

No, no one else can love me like you do
You know I ain't even close to through
Loving you...

Baby, baby, don't
Don't you say you re leaving
Why don't you stay a little bit longer?
Got it going on and I just cant believe it
This feeling, it just keeps getting stronger


"Kiss You Good Morning" by Jake Owen

I was good at the game,
when I had nothing to lose.
Then you started playing,
and changed all of the rules.
I stole my share of good hearts in the night,
then vanished before the dawn,
but for the first time in my life I know exactly what I want

I wanna kiss you good morning, let's not let this one end in
goodnight.
It's just the start of our story, and the ending is no where in sight.
I wanna hold you all night,
in the first sign of light, everyday for the rest of my life.
From now on I wanna kiss you good morning.

It's never been me
to open every door,
or leave little notes,
or spill my heart on the floor.
I wanna cross that sacred line that says now we're more than friends.
I wanna drink that lover's wine, fall asleep and then

I wanna kiss you good morning, let's not let this one end in
goodnight.
It's just the start of our story, and the ending is no where in sight.
I wanna hold you all night,
in the first sign of light, everyday for the rest of my life.
From now on I wanna kiss you good morning.

There's no better way than to start everyday
Lying next to the one you love.
So baby tonight you can close your eyes
And tomorrow when you wake up I'm gonna kiss you good morning.

I wanna hold you all night,
in the first sign of light, everyday for the rest of my life.
From now on I wanna kiss you good morning.

the girl next door..

time to take notes again guys..

Be The Imperfect Man She Wants

We women may go gaga over celebs like George Clooney and Daniel Craig who appear nothing less than perfect on-screen, but when it comes to who we wake up with day in and day out, we'll always prefer a lovably flawed human to a ridiculously slick robot. While perfection is alienating and intimidating, flaws can be sweet and endearing. To prove my point, here is a trio of so-called shortcomings that actually make us swoon:

Your tunnel vision: Only the most boring men are capable of achieving a perfectly balanced life. We appreciate the passionate way you throw yourself 100 percent into a single project and don't come up for air—or bother to shower—until it's finished.

Your sad attempts to match your socks to your tie: Men who won't leave the house unless they're impeccably dressed give off a little (OK, a lot) of that scary, American Psycho vibe. A guy in jeans and a cozy sweater is someone we can trust.

Your boyish attitude toward the female body: Worldly gentlemen may be able to appraise a pair of breasts with the detachment of an art critic, but we absolutely adore the way you drool over our twin cupcakes. We want to be devoured in bed, not coolly appreciated.

So be smart, sexy, thoughtful, and funny. But, whatever you do, please don't be perfect.

xo,
Nicole Beland
The Men's Health Girl Next Door

it's been a while..

this post is being co-brought to you by Brad Pitt the "actor" and the guy standing over the pile after a fumble frantically pointing his teams direction as if he has any clue who has the ball..

first i should probably give a reason for my prolonged absence.. i took a new position at work which actually forces me to pay attention and be productive on a daily basis, so i can't just sit there and think of silly things to write about anymore.. i've actually used the phrase "i'd like to see (this) happen" and have people take me seriously for the first time so it's certainly better for my "career" but the blogs may come less frequent, and i apologize for that.. also, i've had a few more people tell me recently that they read this and enjoy it, so thanks for that and i'll try to be entertaining..

a memo to all potential politicians: if your campaign ads do nothing but bash your opponent, i won't be voting for you.. i'll either vote for your opponent or not vote at all.. tell me what you're going to do, not "my opponent is a terrorist, cheats on his wife, abuses his pets and tells children that Santa Claus isn't real".. also, unless someone asks your opinion on a certain candidate, keep it to yourself.. if i like Candidate A and you like Candidate B, you're not going to sway my decision, you're just going to piss me off.. i don't care that you like a different candidate and i'm not going to try to convince you, that's not my job.. i can't wait for the 2012 campaigns, they should be starting in about a month, right? i think Governor Palin owes us a Playboy spread too, by the way..

all beverage cart girls at golf courses are lava hot.. if you're golfing and your beverage cart girl isn't hot, you're at the wrong place..

i could give you 100 guesses and you probably wouldn't guess the one city in America that i'd like to visit most.. it's not Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Miamo or any of those popular choices.. i'd choose Nashville.. my brother has traveled there several times and says there are several small bars right in a row that not only have great food, but also aspiring country musicians trying to get noticed by record companies playing every night.. i think it would be super cool to walk from bar to bar getting to hear these people play, they're obviously talented, they just need a break and then they'll be dating Carrie Underwood.. then i'll secretly hate them, but at least i could say i saw them play before they were famous.. runner ups: anywhere in the Colorado mountains, Seattle, New York, Chicago, San Francisco and San Diego (my brother just called me from San Diego, by the way.. i told him i hated him)..

one roommate puked in another roommates car this past weekend.. since it wasn't my car, that never gets old..

i heard that some females didn't dress slutty for Halloween.. i'm pretty sure that's against the law.. at the very least, you're offending the inventor of the holiday.. make up for it at Thanksgiving dinner..

our family picks names out of a hat for Christmas so we don't end up spending a million dollars on presents, so we just buy for one other person.. we did that yesterday when we got home from deer hunting.. pretty embarrassing when my mom tells my brothers that they're picking for their wives first, then tells my sister that she's picking for her boyfriend first, then tells me to pick for myself.. "wait, shouldn't my imaginary girlfriend be picking now?".. they thought it was funny..

had lunch today at Panera Bread with my mom and sister.. the caramel latte is phenomenal.. afterwards they were going to Target so my mom could finish her Christmas shopping (yes, it's November 10th).. anyway, i had no intention of going with but it's Target, what's the worse that could happen? bad decision.. a money clip, a pair of shoes and a Johnny Cash CD later, i've spent $64.. it's actually impossible for me to go in there and not buy anything.. i'll either buy one of those vintage T-shirts or silly hats in the back or find something i have absolutely no need for but i can't pass it up.. "$19 for this lamp? they might as well be giving them away".. i actually had to put things back on the shelf that my mom made "Christmas ideas" for my grandpa.. they also had the world's most unbelievably cute baby shoes and Christmas music going already, the first store i heard doing so this year.. reasons #1,672 and 1,673 why Target is the coolest..

if a girl sees a hot girl that they don't know, they automatically hate them.. it's science..


went deer hunting this weekend up north with a group of 16 guys (including me).. here are some highlights:

- went to my parents house on Wednesday night because we were leaving at 6:00 the following morning.. joined forces with my two brothers to try to get the DVD/VCR player to work.. spent a half hour on that because we skipped step #1 of the directions.. typical men.. get home on Sunday to realize we were missing 2 necessary cords.. time well spent.. the fact that i'm the youngest of the 3 boys, i'm forced to sleep on the couch while my brothers get beds.. i tell them i hate them when they go to bed..

- the drive up always consists of stories from my brothers childhood which makes me think less of them, as well as introducing each other to new music that we like.. then i take a nap until we stop for breakfast and see toilets for the last time in 3 days..

- setting up camp in the pouring rain.. absolutely miserable.. we stay in 2 large army tents, one for the old guys and one for the young guys.. it takes roughly 3 to 4 hours to get those set up and cut down trees for firewood.. i nearly took off my feet swinging an ax to split wood.. then i wished i was at home reading Cosmo in my sweatpants..

- hunting doesn't officially begin until Saturday morning at sunrise, so Thursday night we're free to drink as much as we want without worrying about waking up early.. in past years this has led to people waking up to urinate but not quite making it outside and peeing near another person.. that always makes for a fun story the rest of the weekend.. Fortunately, that didn't happen this year.. for some reason this year was more tame than past years.. i blame President Bush..

- quote of the weekend: "her vagina was disgusting"..

- product i couldn't live without of the weekend: earplugs.. i think 6 of the 16 guys up there did not snore.. i don't know how these other 10 guys have convinced women to marry them and share a bed.. they must be deaf..

- discussing salaries of professional football players, we came to a consensus that Tom Brady is the highest paid football player.. since he's injured for the rest of the year, i made the sarcastic comment that now he "is forced to hang out with his supermodel girlfriend all the time", to which my brother responded, "she's fat, i don't like her personality".. pure comedy.. Brady is dating Gisele Bundchen, who is not fat.. that's where the joke is..

- devoured roughly 139 doughnuts in a 3-day span, along with chili, a fish fry, baked potatoes, vegetables and roast beef.. probably gained 12 pounds, rendering the last 3 months of cardio useless..

- hot seats are pointless.. the one i sat on while hunting all weekend felt more like a block of ice.. first, they make the outside plastic, and we all know how warm plastic gets in 15-degree weather.. meanwhile my churchbells are clanging together while spending 4 consecutive hours looking at trees waiting for Bambi's dad to walk out.. dumbest invention ever.. i hope Barack moves deer hunting to mid-August..

- if you didn't know, if you're gutting a deer you "should start at the asshole".. (insert your "i like to end there" jokes now)..

- i think this was the first year i correctly decided to not try chewing tobacco while drunk.. i made the opposite decision in the past and really regretted it.. i don't get the appeal, i guess.. i think i'm one of four guys there that didn't use tobacco during the weekend.. at least 4 of 5 dentists recommend that..

- first snowfall of the year.. pretty romantic, except for the other 15 men i spent the weekend with..

- listened to the Vikings game on the way home for the 4th straight year.. and for the 2nd straight year, Adrian Peterson had his best game of the year and the Vikings won.. always makes the 4-hour ride a little more bearable.. also on the ride home, i have to train myself not to swear every other word.. that's acceptable around 15 other men, not really when i walk into mom's house or at work..

- after getting home, sprint to the shower to give the ol' giggleberries a once-over with some body wash for the first time since Wednesday night.. best 15 minutes of my life.. well, it's in the top 10.. also realize that my facial hair is a train wreck at this point, so i admired that for a good 5 minutes..


Top 10 Muscles Women Love according to Men's Health

1. 6-Pack Abs
You could have biceps the size of bowling balls, but if you've got the beginnings of a gut, any discriminating woman will think twice before considering you boyfriend material. Their fear: A little excess midriff meat now means one fat, sloppy bastard in 10 years.

2. Powerful Forearms
Women see strong forearms and think you can do everything: Fend off a mugger, build a house, and maintain a dexterous touch long enough to leave them extremely satisfied. So roll up those sleeves, and let 'em have a look.

3. A Nice Butt
Women check out your butt because it's a clue to your worthiness as a physical specimen. If you're in great shape, it carries high. Otherwise, your rear end droops like a sack of old potatoes.

4. A Broad Back
A wide back is essential for a V-shaped torso, and women's attraction to it is ancestral. "When it was important that our mates protect us from woolly mammoths on the plains, we looked for a gene pool that could provide us with protection," says Pega Ren, Ed.D., a sexologist in British Columbia.

5. Sculpted Shoulders
"The shoulder muscles are really the muscles of love and war," says Nancy Etcoff, Ph.D., author of Survival of the Prettiest. They also make the whole look when combined with a broad back. Strong shoulders literally sweep women off their feet.

6. Rock-Hard Calves
"Women want an overall sense of strength and fitness," says Etcoff. "If a man looks as if he can lift something but can't run, it looks disproportionate."

7. The Money Line
We're not convinced that's its official name, but here's how our female friends describe it: "The muscle that runs diagonally from hip to crotch," "The muscle that sticks out near the hips—yummy!" and "Lower abs, near his package."

8. A Big Chest
"Women treasure your chest as much as you do theirs," says Emily Dubberley, a sex expert based in the UK. "Touching, kissing, and licking a man's chest is undoubtedly a turn-on for most women."

9. Large Biceps
In a poll of Cosmopolitan readers, 1 out of 5 women confessed that nice biceps on a man makes them "absolutely melt."

10. Strong Hamstrings
Many women prefer being on top because it lets them lean forward to rub against your pubic bone. Having well-conditioned hamstrings and glutes makes it easier to meet her halfway for more pleasure.


Since chapter 5 in the "read this and be really good at sex" book was basically recipes of romantic meals, we'll have to skip that segment this post.. looks like chapter 6 is the longest chapter in the history of books, so look forward to that..


Lyrics of the Week

"Fearless" by Taylor Swift

There's somethin' 'bout the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There’s a glow off the pavement
Walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah

We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent mindedly makin' me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

So baby drive slow
‘Til we run out of road in this one horse town
I wanna stay right here in this passenger’s seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture every memory

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I’d dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

Well you stood there with me in the doorway
my hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in & I’m a little more brave
It’s the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin’, it’s fearless

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I’d dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless


"I'd Lie" by Taylor Swift

I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes

He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long
And he sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine

I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you
But he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up
And pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you
His favorite color's green
And he loves to argue
Oh, and it kills me
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie


"I Miss You" by Incubus

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.


"I Miss My Friend" by Darryl Worley

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
But baby most of all

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss the silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend


"I Wanna Be Your Everything" by Keith Urban

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
That I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
What I had never felt with anyone else
I wanna give back what you've given to me
And I wanna witness all of your dreams
Now that you've shown me who I really am
I wanna be more than just your man

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tides
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheel that never rusts
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more I wanna be your everything

When you wake up I'll be the first thing you see
And when it gets dark you can reach out to me
I'll cherish your words
And I'd finish your thoughts
And I’ll be your compass baby when you get lost

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
Be the moon that moves your tides
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheel that never rusts
Be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more I wanna be your everything

I'll be the wheel that never rusts
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more I wanna be your everything
I wanna be your everything
I wanna be your everything


"The Season" by Quietdrive

I’m feeling mixed up.
A little bit confused
About the time I hit it up again.
I’m feeling left out.
A little bit concerned about
The space between last night and Monday.

But I’m still afraid
That you haven’t
Changed
(Given me a reason)
(To pull off your t-shirt)
But I’m still okay,
And I don’t know why
(Tell me your secret)
(I won’t tell your boyfriend now)
When you say that

You’re mixing me up now
You’re pulling my teeth out
You’re wishing my argument away
I’ll follow directions
I’ll stick to your reasons
This isn’t the season to go running away
Oh oh oh. Oh oh oh. Oh oh oh.

I’ll leave you untouched.
I never once said
I would be the one to tie you down forever.
I haven’t missed you much.
I never once said
I would be the one to lose this love forever.

But I’m still afraid
That you haven’t
Changed
(Given me a reason)
(To pull off your t-shirt)
But I’m still okay,
And I don’t know why
(Tell me your secret)
(I won’t tell your boyfriend, now)
When you say that you don’t need me to feel

You don’t understand
You don’t
You don’t understand
You don’t
( I can’t tell you how to feel)
You don’t understand
(When I’m on the outside)
You don’t
(And you are in)
You don’t understand

suck my kiss..

this post is being co-brought to you by guys who shave their legs and girls who don't..

the topic of blind dates was brought up on the radio today when i was listening, and one guy in his late 20's was arguing about how it shouldn't be considered "shallow" to ask for a picture of the girl, or vice versa.. i completely agree.. for one thing, if you're in a bar or wherever, you're not going to approach someone who you're not somewhat attracted to, so why would you sit through a blind date with someone you're not initially attracted to?.. i've always been of the opinion that there has to be some physical attraction for it to have any chance of working.. sure, a good personality can make an average-looking person become above-average, just as a poor personality can make a good-looking person become average.. a woman who was on the radio show as well discussed how she totally believes in soulmates and fate and all that, and how meeting a person can't be explained, you just know you were supposed to.. so, although the guy was skeptical of blind dates, she encouraged him to go on them because he might find that person he's supposed to be with.. bottom line: blind dates are fine if that's what you want but it's not shallow to want to know what the person looks like.. although it's not the most important thing, it's naive to think that they don't matter at all..

also brought up was the debate between Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood.. here's my opinion: Jessica probably has a very, very slight edge in the looks category but if i had the choice of dating one of them i'd pick Carrie, and i have my reasons.. Carrie is a country girl and i imagine her walking around in one of those button-down white shirts tied at the waist, a jean skirt and a cowboy hat, purring with her southern accent that's one of the hottest things ever.. Carrie also seems more low-maintenance, which is huge.. also, it seems like Jessica is a bit shaky when it comes to the whole "speaking" and "making sense" portions of the competition.. then again, she'd probably be too dumb to ever leave me.. this was just hypothetical, by the way..

i like those contests that take place at the halftime of football games that give one lucky fan the chance to win money by doing something impossible.. they'll introduce some 290-pound guy who's going to attempt to kick a 40-yard field goal for $100 million.. meanwhile, he had to have his wife help him get into his football pants.. but to help his chances, they have some guy who was a backup kicker at Northeastern Delaware Community College in 1989 coach him for a week leading up to it.. "okay, remember what we talked about.. don't rush it, hit the ball solid and follow through with your leg.. you can do it".. then he kicks a 3-hopper to the 20-yard line as the crowd boos him mercilessly and the guy in the suit holding the giant check fake consoles the participant while beaming inside because his product just had a 15-minute commercial.. then his wife walks away with that guy.. love that..

have i mentioned that i like Victoria's Secret? if any of you are looking for a Christmas gift for me, consider the giant posters they have in the windows at the store that would fit perfectly on the ceiling of my bedroom.. i should get a job there as a "consultant" and women would have to ask my opinion of anything they try on.. i'd probably work a lot of overtime..

another one of my favorite guys is the guy at the YMCA or local high school gym who's treating a pick-up basketball game like it's the Final Four.. he's all geared up in his sweatbands and $200 kicks and talking trash to 40-year-old accountants that are just trying to lower their cholesterol.. meanwhile, this guy played Division II basketball 3 years ago and is now a personal trainer.. he also doubles as the guy who refuses to call a foul on himself or help anyone up because "it's a man's game".. love that guy..

it doesn't get much funnier than a dad playing ball with his son, just hoping he'll make contact, then the kid gets his Ken Griffey Jr. on and rakes a line drive off dad's marble bag.. that was my favorite clip on "America's Funniest Home Videos".. but the best was the sound effects they played when it happened.. it sure doesn't feel like that "squeezing a clowns nose" sound.. other classics include: people falling down, kids riding their bikes into things, elderly people having their pants fall down (usually while dancing with their spouse who's oblivious to the whole event), fat people being stuck in flotation devices, kids being deathly afraid of Santa, and cats being lit on fire and then drowned.. relax, i'm kidding.. kids being afraid of Santa isn't that funny..

the household plan is to watch "The Strangers" in the near future.. i've heard some people say it's the scariest movie they've seen in years.. so, naturally, i'll be acting all manly about it but secretly saying to myself, "don't scream like a girl, don't scream like a girl, don't scream like a girl".. we're definitely going to wear white masks and sit outside a roommates window afterwards though.. call "America's Funniest Home Videos" and get Bob Saget over here with our million dollars..

heard this Halloween costume idea: put cardboard on your shoulders, then cut a hole in a sheet and put that over your head, then put a lamp on one shoulder and a clock on the other shoulder.. then go up to chicks and tell them you're a "one-night stand".. hilarious right?? that's gotta work better than those "FBI: Female Body Inspector" or "Amateur Gynecologist" shirts.. or to break the ice, you can just go up to any chick and be like, "sooo.. you're a slutty what?".. if you're a female and not dressing slutty, you obviously don't get the spirit of Halloween.. just stay home and hand out candy..

caught an episode of "The Biggest Loser" this week for the first time ever.. it's the show where teams compete to lose the most weight.. although i didn't see it, i have to imagine it's hilarious when they step on the scale and they've gained weight since the last week and then stand there and cry.. on this episode, they all lost weight but people were predicting they'd be 15 pounds lighter and they've lost 2.. then they act all bummed and their ripped trainers tell them stuff like "keep your chins up".. ranks pretty high on the comedy scale..

here are some highlights from Chapters 3 (one-night stands) and 4 (fend off STD's) from the "read this and be really good at sex" book:

- 81% of men in Portugal have had a one-night stand, which leads all countries. Brazil is second at 76% and the United States ranks sixth at 61%. The world average is 58%..

- Women who endorse casual sex are more likely to fantasize about dominating a man, reports a study in the Journal of Sex Research..

- a recent study by the Oxford Hair Foundation predicts that redheads will be extinct by 2100; just 4 percent of the population carries the recessive gene for red hair, which means it's becoming less common with every generation..

- one vigorously misplaced thrust is all it takes to rupture the corposa cavernosa, the elongated "erectile chambers" that run the length of your penis. A complete rupture will require surgery within 24 hours to stanch internal bleeding and reduce the risk of permanent damage. to protect yourself, be especially careful when she's on top. that's the position most likely to cause damage..

- here are a few practices that some people consider "safe".. they're not..

Abstinence: it works, of course- if you can do it. which you usually can, right up until the moment where you can't- and then you'll probably want something a little more reliable on hand..

Withdrawal: withdrawal. doesn't. work. pre-ejaculate contains sperm, and sperm makes babies. any questions?

Continuous Breastfeeding: breastfeeding does have a contraceptive effect, but it's most reliable in the first 6 months postpartum, and then only if she's nursing constantly and a lot. again, explore other alternatives if you're serious about not wanting another child..

- don't' even get us started on people who start having sex, stop, and put on a condom to finish. that's like hollering for defensive help after your man has driven the lane for a layup. if your bits are anywhere near her bits, let alone in them, you should be wearing a condom. you're probably familiar with "pre-ejaculate" (that spot on the front of your boxers when you're really turned on). the longer you're hard, the more pre-ejaculate you produce. problem? for the purposes of disease prevention, a body fluid is a body fluid. and if you're worried about pregnancy, pre-ejaculate contains sperm.. and it just takes one, baby..

- this is such a great trick, we can't imagine why everyone doesn't use it. obviously, one of the real sensations that you're missing out on when you're practicing safe sex is that wonderful wetness that tells you you're home. fake yourself out by adding a tiny drop of lube (a little goes a long way in this instance) inside the condom before you put it on. it heats up delightfully once it's in play, and feels much closer to the real thing..


Lyrics of the Week

"Our Last Night" by Better Than Ezra

We were standing in an empty room
The moonlight was falling
You were holding my hand when the car pulled up for you
And I could have spent a life with you
But those days were over
You were calling my name when your face faded from view

And wasn't it you who told me, the sun would always chase the day?
And wasn't it you who told me

Angels fly in the air tonight
Saying wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
And stars collide and the air's alive
Or was it just like those promises that you made
On our last night?

I remember waking up with you
The days doing nothing
You meant more to me then than I think you ever knew.
But you were gonna be a doctor, movie star
A poet at a Nobel seminar
I hope the world never tore that out of you

Cause wasn't it you who told me, the sun would always chase the day?
Yeah wasn't it you who told me

Angels fly in the air tonight
Saying wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
And stars collide and the air's alive
Or was it just like those promises that you made
On our last night?

And what ever happened to the things you loved
And the songs we played, and the Indian days
Whatever happened to the things you gave away?
Like Harold and Maude and singing
Like Harold and Maude and singing

I was waving as you drove away
The sunlight was falling
You were writing backwards in a dusty window pane

Angels fly in the air tonight
Saying wasn't it just like swimming out on the lake?
And stars collide and the air's alive
Or was it just like those promises that you made
On our last night?


"There Is" by Boxcar Racer

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you, but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?
There is

Those notes you wrote me, I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought on how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message, about a boy that
loves a girl

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?
There is

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?

Do you care if I don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me?
There is


"Waitin' On A Woman" by Brad Paisley

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
You waitin' on a woman
I nodded yeah and said how 'bout you
He said son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

He said the wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman


"Every Time I Hear Your Name" by Keith Anderson

Finally got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,
To check the license plates and I quit drivin' by your place.
Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.
And seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.
And I can finally smell your perfume and not look around the room for you.
And I can walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing.

But when I hear your name,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
And nothin's changed, and we're still same.
And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,
And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:
And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

Got someone special in my life; everyone thinks she'll make a great wife.
Dad says he thinks she's the one; reminds him of Mom when she was young.
But it's way too soon to be talkin' 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything.
She's getting over someone too, kinda like me and you.
And she talks about him every once in a while, and I just nod my head and smile,
'cause I know exactly what she's goin' through; yeah, I've been there too.

And when the conversation turns to you,
I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",
Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see.
I know I can't go back but I still go back.
And there we are, parked down by the riverside,
And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,
And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

I stop thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid.
(Every time I hear your name.)
I stop tryin' the change the things I can't change.
(Every time I hear your name.)
In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head,

I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
That's all it takes, and I'm in that place.
And there we are, parked down by the riverside,
And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time.
And I can't explain, but I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.


"Something About A Woman" by Jake Owen

She pulled her hair back to sun her shoulders
Took the oil and rubbed it all over her soft skin
Oh, I'm a lucky man
She wasn't wantin' any suntan lines so she
Reached back and she untied that little string
And then she smiled at me

And blew a kiss right off her fingertips
I don't know what it is

But there's something about a woman
Yeah, some kind of sweet little something
That I may never understand
Yeah, some kind of gift they're given
That makes this life worth livin'
And it makes a man a man
Oh, there's nothing like that
Somethin' about a woman

I sat there for a while and wondered
And she took a nap there under that summer sky
And then I realized

There are things in life that are meant to be
Maybe left a mystery

Yeah, like that something about a woman
Yeah, some kind sweet little something
That I may never understand
Yeah some kind of gift they're given
That makes this life worth livin'
And it makes a man a man
Oh, there's nothing like that
Somethin' about a woman

Yeah some kind of gift they're given
That makes this life worth livin'
And it makes a man a man
Oh, I'm nothing without that
Somethin' about a woman
Oh, about a woman


"One Year, Six Months" by Yellowcard

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you, and things we used to do


"A Goodnight's Sleep" by The Starting Line

A better slumber
Was in your arms
spent tangled up in you

A sudden morning
Crashed in the room
With an uninvited sudden change in you

What can I say?
Where's that girl from last night
That slept on that side and looked just like you do?

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
Sleep away
A silent pain
That's screaming out my name

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
I hope for your sake you don't wake up as broken as I am

For a lack of better
Words to say
All I said was goodnight
Once again, in self-defence
I wont sleep a wink
To prevent dreaming of you

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
Sleep away
A silent pain
That's screaming out my name

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
I hope for your sake you dont wake up as broken as I am

Sleep in your own bed tonight
I know some day that you will wake up as lonely as I am

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
Sleep away
A silent pain
That's screaming out my name

You can sleep in your own bed tonight
I hope for your sake you dont wake up as broken as I am

Sleep in your own bed tonight
I know some day that you will wake up as lonely as I am
Cuz fate works both ways
Cuz fate works both ways
Cuz fate works both ways
Sleep in your own bed

crazy game of poker..

this post is being co-brought to you by the laugh possessed by Kendra from "Girls Next Door" and fans at football games who hold up one finger and yell "we're number one!!" while losing 56-3..

had an interesting Saturday night.. here's the skinny..

6:30: got home from visiting my parents and devouring my mom's chili, which is legendary.. not even in the door when my roommate says "wanna go to Old Chicago?".. "sure, i don't have much cash but that's what credit cards are for, right?".. "exactly, get dressed, we're leaving in 5 minutes".. i pull off my shirt so i'm topless and wearing basketball shorts.. "k, i'm ready".. get punched..

6:35: throw on my baggy sweatpants and Reebok's wit da straps, looking fly as all hell..

6:50: arrive at Old Chicago with two roommates, their gals, one of the gals friends and her 19-year-old male cousin and 17-year-old female cousin.. more on her later.. waitress: "what are we drinking?".. me: "what are the specials?".. waitress: "we have Long Island Iced Teas for $2.99".. me: "YES! I WANT STRAWBERRY!!..

7:05: roommate: "if you finish the rest of that drink in 8 seconds i'll buy your next one".. me: "okay".. keep in mind, Long Island's have equal parts vodka, gin, tequila and rum with a very small amount of a mixer.. my glass was about half full.. nonetheless, i finished it within 8 seconds and my next one was free..

7:10: sure are alot of people here with SCSU shirts on.. oh yeah, it's homecoming, which means triple the normal amount of "urinating in public" citations and 3 a.m. Perkins runs..

7:20: hmmm, my glass is about 3/4's full right now, it's almost time someone tells me to drink really fast and they'll pay for my next one..

7:21: different roommate: "finish that in 10 seconds and i'll buy your next one".. me: "done".. photo finish!! the judges score it in my favor, considering i'm ordering pink drinks in public..

7:25: waitress: "need another one?".. me: "yeah, my roommates keep telling me if i drink these in 10 seconds, they'll buy me my next one".. roommate: "probably don't want to tell the waitress that"..

7:40: roommates gal (to me): "want to race to see who can finish their drink the fastest?".. me: "you're drinking beer and have so much less than me left... absolutely i want to race".. get destroyed.. as a prize, my roommate orders me another one before we go..

8:00: four Long Island Iced Teas in the span of 75 minutes.. and it's 8:00.. this should be entertaining..

8:15: arrive at roommates gal's house for a fire and more alcohol.. wind chill approximately 25 degrees, nipples couldn't be harder.. while manly roommate starts fire, i grab a chair and sit 2 inches from it.. he pushes me backwards and i manage to not spill my full beer while doing a back flip.. i celebrate in my head..

8:40: apparently it's "take shots of cough syrup" time because that tasted a lot like the Dimetap i had when i was a kid.. i'm told it was grape vodka.. "at least my cough is gone.. when's the NyQuil shot?", i say..

9:00: pee on the backyard fence while texting..

9:10: another shot, this one apparently is lemonade Vodka.. just as terrible as the first one.. 19-year-old runs to puke immediately in the bushes..

9:15: i can't see anymore..

9:30: wow..

10:00: yikes..

10:15: another shot, this one is Whiskey mixed with Mountain Dew, i'm led to believe.. immediately anointed the best shot of the night award since the other ones tasted like the ass sweat of a walrus..

10:30: hmmm, this 17-year-old girl is awfully close to me suddenly.. when did that happen? her: "can i see your phone?".. me: "why?".. she puts her hand into my pocket to get my phone.. immediately see myself sitting down at the counter of a strange house, having a heart-to-heart chat with Chris Hansen.. she starts messing with my phone.. "what are you doing?", i ask.. "you'll see", she replies.. great, that makes me feel better.. i look around to see if anyone is seeing this.. the glance and chuckle from my roommate indicates i have witnesses..

10:35: she gives me my phone back and i start trying to figure out what she did.. even being 4 Long Island Iced Teas, 6 beers and 4 shots deep, i quickly realize she put her phone number in my phone.. then she texted herself from my phone so she could have my number.. what the hell is going on?

10:36: i guess i'll just drink more and pretend that didn't happen..

10:50: text from girl that reads, "what's up?".. i don't respond because i'm sitting 15 feet away from her.. she should be able to tell "what's up", right?.. i don't have many rules, but one of them is "don't hook up with anyone who could potentially invite you to prom and/or a Girl Scout camping trip".. and let's not forget America's rule of "don't hook up with anyone under 18 if you are over 18".. i blame R. Kelly..

11:00: roommate: "i think we're going to go".. me: "great idea, i'll race you to the car..... wait, i have to pee first"..

11:15: safe in my own house.. that was surreal..


in September of 2003, i went along with my roommate on a roadtrip to Iowa to visit his girlfriend at her college (this is the couple that has recently become engaged).. a few highlights from that trip.. peeing in a cornfield in northern Iowa during the drive down.. singing N'Sync and Garth Brooks along the way, like back in our freshman year.. meeting the roommates, one of which eventually said she hadn't had sex in so long that she had a "rusty vagina", to which i wittingly replied, "good thing i brought WD-40".. classic.. going to a party where 3 separate televisions had 3 separate college football games going right next to each other.. on the way to this party, we stopped at the liquor store and i didn't feel like drinking beer, so in a rush, i grabbed Green Apple Smirnoff Ice.. that was my first mistake.. my second mistake was drinking it in a room full of college guys.. "what the fuck are you drinking?" was the first thing one guy said to me.. people in Iowa are mean.. that party was where i was first formally introduced to "Bubble Toes" by Jack Johnson, beginning my love of his music.. also, at a restaurant/bar, we all had a shot called the "Pink Pussy".. after drinking my shot, i exclaimed "wow, that was the best pussy i've ever had", to the delight of everyone within earshot, not including the waitress.. whatever, i'll go back to Minnesota..

Victoria's Secret website is the greatest thing on earth, i've recently decided.. go to www.victoriassecret.com and look up the Lace-up fishnet cheeky hiphugger.. proof that God is a man and wants me to be happy..

here's a Minnesota driving lesson: when you have a red light, it's not okay to just take a right and then merge into traffic without looking or yielding.. if you do this with me behind you, i have to stop singing "if you wanna be my lover" ala Posh Spice to spew expletives at you and that upsets me..

memo to those 30-second voicemail recordings: i'm fully aware that i "can hang up when i'm finished speaking", i'm a grown up.. i don't need you to run through what every button does.. i just want to tell my roommate i saw a man wearing a fanny pack and cowboy boots, it shouldn't take this long..

not much is cuter than my niece singing "how much is that doggy in the window"..

some of the best times i've ever had have involved drinking and playing Playstation 3.. i'm sure a lot of you know of a game called "drinking Tiger Woods", where you play the Tiger Woods golf game and have to drink if you hit it in the rough, hit it out of bounds, hit it in the water or the sand, etc.. super fun.. if you've seen the picture of one of my roommates on Facebook passed out on the couch with me and another roommate sitting there to keep him from rolling off, that was a "drinking Tiger Woods night", although he wasn't participating.. i think it was his birthday and his sisters dropped him off and said "call us if he stops breathing".. tight family..

i think my favorite thing in all of sports is the dogpile after baseball teams win playoff series'.. how awesome is that?! they'll show a camera shot of the dugout as the last out is being recorded and everyone is climbing out even before it's official just sprinting to jump on each other.. if the play is happening in the infield, the outfielders are already halfway there, throwing their hats and gloves into the air.. this should happen in everyday situations, the world would be a better place..

as i spoke about previously, i received a book in the mail titled, "Men's Health Guide to the Best Sex in the World".. just finished chapter 2, but here are some highlights to this point:

- people decide whether someone is attractive one-tenth of a second after laying eyes on them..

- women rank confidence as one of the sexiest qualities in a man, not surprisingly..

- a Harvard study found that looking at pretty women activates a pleasure center in the brain usually triggered only by food, drugs and money..

- breathe deeply and use your lower registers when you speak. according to a recent study by Scottish researchers, the most attractive women prefer deep-voiced men. This probably has something to do with the correlation between high testosterone levels (a sigh of superior strength and bedroom chops) and a deep voice..

- a kiss is a preview of coming attractions. "the way you kiss says a lot about how you make love," says Ava Cadell, PhD, "i call kissing 'facial intercourse.'"..

- lots of women describe their best kiss as the time he slammed her up against the wall, mashed his lips against hers, and didn't let her breathe for a full 5 minutes..

- love bites also play a large role; in the kissing section of the Kama Sutra, it was considered a sign of real skill to leave a lasting mark without breaking the skin..

- the Kama Sutra says that if a man stimulates his partner's upper lip, nibbling and lightly sucking on it, while she nibbles on his lower lip, both partners will be swept away on waves of pleasure.. it has even been suggested that there is a pathway in the nervous system directly connecting the upper lip to the clitoris. a one-stop shop, if you will..

- an "Australian kiss" is a French kiss "down under"..

- let her keep a toothbrush at your house if she wants to but encourage her to make her own plans and keep her own friends- and do the same yourself. it's easy to get sucked in at the beginning, with the rush of a fast start. but the sooner you depend on each other for everything, the faster the relationship can burn out..

- how will you know it's the real thing? one sign is when you stop looking at other women. it's true: Italian researchers looked at the hormone levels of a small group of women in love. the women's testosterone levels were higher than usual, making them more aggressive and increasing their sex drives. the men, on the other hand, had lower levels of testosterone, making them less aggressive and less libidinous. so if you notice that your eye has stopped roving and the desire to collect digits has lessened significantly, it may be a sign that the lady you're with is "the one."

or you can take her for ice cream. Alan Hirsch, MD, conducted a study of 720 people, ages 24 to 59, in which he correlated personality tests, their favorite ice cream flavors, their partners' favorite ice creams, and relationship status. coffee ice cream lovers- found to be dramatic, seductive, flirtatious- are most romantically compatible with strawberry fans. Vanilla gals (emotionally expressive and fond of PDA) melt best with rocky-road guys. and mint chocolate chip fans are meant for each other.

or you may just start acting crazy. British neurobiologists discovered that when research subjects looked at a picture of someone they had recently fallen in love with, one of the parts of the brain that was activated had a lot of receptors for dopamine- the feel-good hormone. that's why falling in love feels so damn good. it's also why you act like such an idiot when it happens. dopamine is strongly associated with addiction; in fact, this British study found that the brains of people "on" love looked very much like the brains of people on euphoria-inducing drugs.


Lyrics of the Week

"Austin" by Blake Shelton

She left without leavin' a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back to Austin
'Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling
If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin'
If it's anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kind of man would hang on that long
What kind of love that must be
She waited three days, and then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say,
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night I'm at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don't rain
I'm headed out to the lake
And I'll be gone, all weekend long
But I'll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

This time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone on Sunday evenin'
And this is what he heard

If you're callin' 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin' to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you

I still love you


"She Wouldn't Be Gone" by Blake Shelton

Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you
Took you home set you on the counter
Oh, at least a time or two
Maybe she'd thought it through.

Yellow sunset slowly dipping down in the rear view
Oh, how she'd love to sit and watch you
I could have done that a whole lot more
If I hadn't been so stubborn, been so selfish
Thought about her more, thought about me less
Joked to make her laugh, held her when she cried
A little more that, maybe I...

Wouldn't be driving like hell flying like crazy down the highway
Calling everyone we know stopping any place she might be
Going any place she might go beating on the dash
Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face
If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe...
She wouldn't be gone.. she wouldn't be gone..

She warned me it was coming said if I didn't change
She was leaving
I just didn't believe she would ever really walk out,
God, I believe her now

Called her mamma, cried like a baby to her best friend
If they've seen her, they ain't sayin, they ain't sayin...
Now, I'm cursing like a fool, praying it ain't too late
All I wanna do is fix my mistakes.

Find her beg her for one more try, until then damn it I'll..
Be driving like hell flying like crazy down the highway
Calling everyone we know stopping any place she might be
Going any place she might go beating on the dash
Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face
If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe...
She wouldn't be gone..

I wouldn't be beating on the dash
Screaming out her name at the windshield tears soaking up my face
If I had loved her this much all along, maybe maybe, yeaa maybe...
She wouldn't be gone..

Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you
Took you home set you on the counter, oh at least a time or two
Maybe she'd thought it through...


"Lipstick" by Rocky Lynne

Well, enough
Of this nonsense, baby
We're bigger than this
Let's get back to us
And the thrill we felt with our first kiss
You know the road can take us
Out where we both feel so alive
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive

We can go down to old El Paso
Spend the night in New Orleans
Go out to California like we've always dreamed
Makin' love out in the desert
I can watch the sunset in your eyes
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive
(You can put your lipstick on while I drive)
(While I drive)

Well, I'm tired
Of this life we're livin'
Dreamin' dead-end dreams
Like a worn-out ol' shag carpet frayin' at the seams
You know we got to change it
No waitin' 'til the time is right
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive

We can go down to old El Paso
Spend the night in New Orleans
Go out to California like we've always dreamed
Makin' love out in the desert
I can watch the sunset in your eyes
Let's go tonight
You can put your lipstick on while I drive
(You can put your lipstick on while I drive)
(While I drive)

Let me touch you
Let me love you
Let your heart race next to mine


"All At Once" by The Fray

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her, now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another


"Thunder" by Boys Like Girls

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know, whoa
Today I'm on my own
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain,

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think Ill make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain

And listen to the thunder


"Hero" by Tim Mahoney

Let me teach you how to give
Take my breath away
Let me live to see the day
When I fall, you feel the pain
And when our worlds collide
The feelings never change

I don't want to give just to receive
Something so worth having never comes easily

When all else fails, turn to me
When all else fails, let me be
Your hero
Like the ones in fairy tales

Your hero
The one you know has got your back
Your hero
Is all I wanna be
When all else fails, turn to me

Let me show you how much I care
Walk on me
Let me be the smile you wear
And when I'm turned around
And merely just a frown
Have no doubt, I'll always turn around

I don't wanna give just to receive
Something so worth having never comes easily

When all else fails, turn to me
When all else fails, let me be
Your hero
Like the ones in fairy tales

Your hero
The one you know has got your back
Your hero
Is all I wanna be
When all else fails, turn to me

I can be your knight in shining armor
You can be the one in distress
I could save you right now
And ride off in the sunset
Ohh

When all else fails, turn to me
When all else fails, let me be
Your hero
Like the ones in fairy tales

Your hero
The one you know has got your back
Your hero
Is all I wanna be
When all else fails, turn to me

I'm never gonna let you down
I always wanna be there for you
I'm never gonna let you down
I only wanna be your hero

I'm never gonna let you down
I always wanna be there for you
I only wanna be your hero
I always wanna be your hero

five colours in her hair..

this post is being co-brought to you by the naked guy in the gym locker room who asked about my iPod and guys who wear any ring other than their wedding ring or Super Bowl/World Series/etc. ring..

Bumper Sticker of the Day: "Be a Flirt, Lift Your Skirt".. classy, like all bumper stickers..

according to a statistic i just made up, 95% of guys go to the gym just to get the Inguinal Crease.. that's "trainer speak" for those muscles that go from your hip down to your money-maker.. in order to see them, you have to get to 5-8% body fat, which is worth it if you know how many girls are attracted to them (over 100%, according to another statistic of mine).. so guys, when your gal is watching "Sex and the City" or "Grey's Anatomy" and you haven't been brainwashed into watching with them, hit the gym and work the cardio.. your gal will thank you later and subsequently, you'll thank me..

i've noticed this phenomenon sweeping the nation: attractive girls thinking lowly of their attractiveness and unattractive girls being completely oblivious to their unattractiveness.. it seems like girls who are attractive are always saying things about their ass being fat or needing to lose a few pounds, and guys are like "umm no, you're pretty fine the way you are".. meanwhile, you have 250 pound girls squeezing into extra-small shirts (usually on day-time talk shows) yelling about how everyone is jealous about how good they look.. no, we're just flabbergasted that it's physically possible for a belly button to hang below the knees.. how about my new job is to tell females how to feel about themselves and they must listen to me?.. this isn't to say girls should act all snobbish and "i'm so hot", just have the unspoken air about you that you can rock it and you know it..

this past Friday night was again fairly eventful.. as a house, we did our typical "watch sports, play darts, drink a lot of alcohol" that has become a fall/winter tradition.. we got on the topic of my roommates wedding (next November) and who is all going to be in it.. one of my roommates had already been asked to be a groomsmen and i had the feeling i'd also be asked but it wasn't going to be that easy.. the groom-to-be and the rest of my roommates were all adamant that i shaved my goatee during the Twins season, saying things like "if Nick Punto hits a home run in this game, you have to shave".. and i'd always turn them down, apparently i think i look like Ben Affleck when i have a goatee, when in actuality i look like Kevin Federline's younger brother.. anyway, to prove my desire to be involved in his wedding, i drunkenly shaved it off.. then, the groom-to-be asked me to give him six reasons why i should be in his wedding.. after insisting my drink have a pink straw, my answers were: "we've lived together 2 years", "i told you a legendary bedroom story while sober", "we sang N'Sync songs to each other driving to and from school as freshmen", and "i'm really cute".. needless to say, that's not six.. so to make up for that, i put a chew in.. and i had to last 4 minutes if i wanted to be in the wedding and 7 if i wanted to be the Best Man.. well i made it to about 4, i think, until i needed to get that shit out of my mouth.. i sprinted to the bathroom and washed my mouth out for about 5 minutes.. i've had about 10 chews in my life and have always insisted it was the last one.. i was then photographed while urinating.. good way to end any night, i always say..

i think i've mentioned this before but another fun thing that happens in our house is, whenever i leave, i can look forward to having a transsexual or a really fat girl as my computer wallpaper, compliments of my roommates.. one girl had a clitoris that was slightly larger than the average man's fist.. i'll walk into my room, look at my computer and this conversation will follow:

me: "are you fucking kidding me?"
roommate: "what's wrong?"
me: "well this woman on my computer has an erection...."

yes, i agreed to be in one of my roommates wedding's.. don't ask me why..

staying with the house theme, a few of us here have a word that we use when we see an attractive girl on TV.. my word is "hello" but it sounds like "hellew" (British accent) and i'll also say that under my breath if i see a real-life hot girl.. another roommate just says "yep", announcing his approval of how she looks.. another one says "how many?", as in "how many drinks would it take for you to have sex with her?".. his is more for unattractive girls..

again, this is something that has caught on in the house and i'll take full credit for it.. i listen to a sports radio show during the day called "P.A. and Dubay", which stands for Paul Allen and Jeff Dubay.. Paul Allen does the radio play-by-play for the Vikings.. anyway, they like to make fun of Dubay a lot because he used to be overweight and he really, really likes Minnesota sports.. his nickname is "Puffy" for whatever reason, and they have a button they can push to say "Puffy" when they want to imply he does something stupid.. for example: they can talk about listeners getting a free all-you-can-eat meal somewhere and hit the "Puffy" sounder to imply that Dubay eats a lot.. anyway, to make a long story longer, i've brought this into our house in a sexual manner.. anytime someone says something that can be construed as sexual but that's not how they meant it, i'd say "Puffy".. for example, while watching a football game: "it looks like they'll be short by a few inches" (Puffy).. or something as every day as "i don't think that will fit in there" (Puffy).. we're a very mature household and i'm the leader of the pack..

on the list of "things to be borrowed from a roommate", i think it's safe to say "face razor" can be put in the "not acceptable" section, especially when it's used to shave your scrotum.. hypothetically speaking.. toilet paper? sure.. beer? of course.. clothes? if you ask.. girlfriend? if you're not around.. but taking another man's razor that he uses to shave his face and running it over your balls? maybe taking "what's yours is mine" a bit too far? it's kinda like an unwritten rule, along the lines of "don't bunt to break up a no-hitter" or "never back down from a hockey fight" or "never trust anyone who's drunk, in love or in politics".. should be written down somewhere, i guess..

i've posted this before but it was all the way back in May, maybe before some of you "avid" readers knew about the shit i wrote.. it's about the time my roommate and i went to a boxing gym to try to get in shape about 3 years ago and i've been told it's fairly entertaining.. if you've already read it, scroll down to the lyrics.. if you don't like lyrics, you are excused to leave :)


a couple weeks before we start:

Him: "hey, do you want to join a boxing gym with me?"
Me: hahahaha
Him: "girls are more sexually attracted to guys who are in shape"
Me: "when does it start and will they give us flavored condoms?"

first night (times are estimates, keep in mind that this is Week 3 of the actual class, and our first night):

7:00 p.m. - we start out with the trainers telling us to grab a set of dumbbells, my cat-like quickness enables me to nab the 5's.. i talk trash to the other people silently..

7:10 p.m. - Warm-ups including stretching and lifting and bending and groin-pulling... thoughts running through my head: "seriously, are we just warming up right now??" "this girl next to me could tear my beanbag off barehanded, yikes" "when does ballet start?" "my labia hurt"..

7:15 p.m. - thoughts running through my head: "are we in the right gym? it said St. Cloud Downtown Boxing Gym on the sign, not Oscar De La Hoya's Olympic Boxing Training on the sign, right?" "i don't want to breathe anymore" "what exactly did that waiver say? i hope they have my parents phone number in case of an emergency"....

me and my boy parts have a disagreement about whether or not sex is this important...

Me: "i think i'll get girls just by using my personality"
Him: "when's the last time you touched a vagina?"
Me (half jokingly): "does being born count?" (fuck, he put me in a box there)

7:25 p.m. - we haven't moved further than 2 feet in any direction, yet we are laying in a pool of our own sweat... are we being Punk'd??

7:30 p.m. - cool, a jump rope!! 12 year-old girls can do this...

7:32 p.m. - I can't... hey, it's your turn, i think there's a sale on purses at Penney's that i need to get to.. by the way, i'm kidnapping your first-born child and brain-washing them to hate you..

7:40 p.m. - we begin to run up and down stairs.. not only do we do that, but when we reach the bottom of the stairs, we run around a circle and a fat slob hits us in our stomach with a boxing glove while yelling at us and probably eating nachos..

my thoughts after getting hit the first time: "wow, that really sucked... maybe i just need to clench my abs more the next time... or change my tampon"..

my thoughts after getting hit the second time: "wow, that sucked just as much if not more than the first one, where is the nearest bench?? my pancreas tastes funny and i need someone to help me straighten out my spinal cord"...

Roommate walks over to me after his 3rd time getting assaulted..

Me: "are you fucking kidding me right now?"
Him: "done"
Me: "wait, help me take my sports bra off"

7:45 p.m. - up the stairs, to the dressing room, out the back exit.. driving home is harder than Chinese algebra, every muscle is sore already.. now i know why boxers can't speak English, they're fucking retarded... and that's my 45-minute "boxing career"... the boxing heavy bag in the garage is so much easier to deal with..


Lyrics of the Week

"Say Yes" by Dusty Drake

We've only known each other since the moment we met
But it seems like forever to me
I haven't figured out the perfect way to say it yet
But I suppose at times like these
A man should get down on his knees

How'd you like to be in my wedding
How'd you like to walk down the isle
You could be the center of attention
Everyone would look at you and smile
We could send our friends invitations
You could wear a long white dress
If you'd like to be in my wedding, darlin'
All you have to do is say, "Yes"

Your folks could be seated in the very front row
And cry when we all turn to look at you
We could cut the cake
And we could strike a pose
Like the little bitty plastic bride and groom
And then begin our life-long honeymoon

How'd you like to be in my wedding
How'd you like to walk down the aisle
You could be the center of attention
Everyone would look at you and smile
We could send our friends invitations
You could wear a long White dress
If you'd like to be in my wedding, darlin'
All you have to do is say, "Yes"

Please say "Yes"


"Beautiful Wreck" by Shawn Mullins

I lost count of the times I've given up on you
But you make such a beautiful wreck you do
There's a tavern on the corner called the Milky Way
And you look so at home there it makes me afraid

And at the dark end of this bar
What a beautiful wreck you are
When you go too far
Beautiful wreck you are

Well all the plans that you had
From seven years ago
Like all the promises you made
I watched them come and go

You put your keys in the car but it wouldn't drive
With your hands on the wheel lookin' barely alive
I'm still sitting here waiting on the passenger side
For you to make up your mind
For you to make up your mind

At the dark end of this bar
What a beautiful wreck you are
When you go too far
Beautiful wreck you are

What a beautiful, such a beautiful
A beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful wreck

I've lost count of the times I've given up on you
But you make such a beautiful wreck you do
Yeah, you make such a beautiful wreck you do
You make such a beautiful wreck you do

At the dark end of this bar
What a beautiful wreck you are
When you go too far
Beautiful wreck you are

What a beautiful, such a beautiful
Beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful
Beautiful wreck you are


"I Could Not Ask For More" by Edwin McCain

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see, the smile upon your face
And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
And these are the moments
I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are, is everything to me

And these are the moments
I know heaven must exist
And these are the moments, I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for (yeah)
And I could not ask for more…

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
And every dream I’ve had has come true
yeah, right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me…
Ooh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
and these are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for yeah
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
And every dream I’ve had's come true
yeah, and right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
here with you here with me…

I could not ask for more than the love you give me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more (more)
ooh and I could not ask for more


"Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me


"Nothing To Prove" by Lonestar

You got your feet squeezed into heels that hurt
Cause they go with the job and they go with the skirt
You gotta look good when you're out there
Climbing ladders

You go above and beyond and then way beyond that
You do it all, yeah, you wear every hat
Hoping someone that matters will realize you matter

But all that really matters is it's Friday
And the sun is shining over my way

Toss your heels in the backseat
Drive home in your barefeet
Throw in that Van Morrison CD
Chip away a little by little
Til you find your groove

I'll pick up some takeout, we can just hang out
Levis and wine, blankets and lights down
Lay your head right here on my shoulder
And just be you, when you're with me
Girl, you got nothing to prove

I could listen all night if you wanna talk
Or we can lay here and say nothing at all
I already know who you are and that I love you

So, baby, take a long deep breath and exhale
Cause all you gotta be tonight is yourself

Toss your heels in the backseat
Drive home in your barefeet
Throw in that Van Morrison CD
Chip away a little by little
Til you find your groove

I'll pick up some takeout, we can just hang out
Levis and wine, blankets and lights down
Lay your head right here on my shoulder
And just be you, when you're with me
Girl, you got nothing to prove
You got nothing to prove

I'll pick up some takeout, we can just hang out
Levis and wine, blankets and lights down
Lay your head right here on my shoulder
And just be you, when you're with me
Girl, you got nothing to prove

When we're together, you got nothing to prove
You got nothing to prove, you got nothing to prove
You got nothing to prove


"Tonight I'll Take What I Can Get" by Dashboard Confessional

I've got my eye on top shelf liquor,
With taste so smooth it
Hits you quicker.
But you've only got the well.

And I've got an eye for top tier women
With legs so long they go straight to heaven,
But this old bunch looks like hell.

But tonight I'll take what I can get.

I'd like to hear a great musician
With strange ideas and grand ambition,
But this guy, he's got trouble with chords.

And I'd like to leave this game a winner
Head held high, the luck of beginners
But this old losers crawling out on all fours.

But tonight I'll take what I can get.

Well this drink will do,
And girl you look all right,
And this band is playing like hell tonight.

These dice are loaded
And lord I am too
I might be losing but I'm leaving soon.

With the prettiest girl
To enter this dump,
She drank all of the whiskey but she left me the rum
And tonight I'll take what I can get

Tonight I'll take what I can get

I've got my sights on brand new beginnings
Brand new starts make saints of sinners
But I'm doomed to live in my past

Live nude girls says the sign out front,
But old dead dreams are dancing in front,
Of old dead dreamers with washed up luck,
Buying love for cash

Well tonight I'll take what I can get.

This old story gets stale and dry,
No matter how I try and try
To spin this fable
Fresh and new

You strung me along
Like a tease on prom night
Getting me loose but
Leaving me uptight
Please tell me that
Some of that love was true.

Tonight I'll take what I can get

Well this drink will do,
And girl you look all right,
And this band is playing like hell tonight.

These dice are loaded
And lord I am too
I might be losing but I'm scoring soon.

With the prettiest girl
To enter this dump,
She drank all of the whiskey but she left me the rum
And tonight I'll take what I can get.