the geeks get the girls..

ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Caribou Coffee for the 3rd straight week! in this corner, weighing in at a svelte, protein shake and beer-fueled 184 pounds, ME!! (applause, women fainting).. in that corner, weighing quite a bit more than that, a guy who just got off work at Mills Fleet Farm and has probably never seen a naked woman in real-life!! (booooooooo)... LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!

this post is being co-brought to you by the guy in the car behind you who lays on the horn one millisecond after the light turns green and people who scream at their seven children in public places.. seriously, have more kids..

i've decided recently that i'm dead-set on learning how to play the guitar, for a few reasons.. 1: i paid $350 for a guitar a few years ago and i'm not really getting my money's worth.. 2: chicks dig guys who play guitar.. and 3: i want to write songs at some point.. i know i don't have the voice to sing in public but i think it's something cool to do at parties or when bored.. and the song-writing thing doesn't really work if you don't know the chords and which ones sound good together, etc.. without that knowledge you're basically just writing poems, which i'll reluctantly admit i've done for "love interests" in the past, always the romantic.. i'm huge into lyrics, if i hear a song that i like on the radio or at a bar, i'll immediately write it down and look up the lyrics when i can.. if i can't find them, i'll listen to the song and write them down myself.. and when i hear certain lyrics, i wonder what the song writer went through to get to that point and how he was able to make a song out of it.. super interesting.. plus, girls pretty much throw their underwear at you when they know you can play guitar.. that doesn't suck.. "why don't you girls gather around this campfire and listen to this song i wrote about a girl that broke my heart".. like those girls aren't putty in that dudes hands..

is it possible for a cold front to pass through a bedroom? i'll go to bed with my chestnuts roasting and a fan on "high" an inch from the bed and wake up a few hours later curled up in the fetal position battling hypothermia because it's 17 degrees.. it's absolutely ridiculous..

the guy at my work who was voted "most likely to burn the place down if he ever got fired" was just fired.. so that's cool..

"Hole In The Wall" is both the best and worst thing to ever be put on television.. last week a team of "little people" (don't know the politically correct term anymore?) faced off against a team of female bodybuilders who had biceps bigger than my thighs.. attractive.. anyway, the object of this game is to try to get through a person-shaped hole in a Styrofoam wall that's coming at you.. if you don't, you get knocked in the water.. evidently this was a huge hit in Japan.. a roommate and i did nothing but tell each other how horrible this show was, yet we watched it from beginning to end.. so they hooked us.. but mix in a female that doesn't need to shave her face and/or back next time, please..

found this out recently: my twin sister knows more about the outdoors than i do, thanks to her boyfriend.. she'll talk to me about what he's doing that weekend while i sit there with a "Tarvaris Jackson in the 4th quarter" look on my face, wondering what's gonna happen with Heidi and Spencer on "The Hills" that week.. embarrassing..

Dear Tampa Bay Rays fans, good luck in the playoffs.. both of you..

one of my favorite developments in the house is the asking of roommates if he and his particular gal are fighting.. a couple examples.. one of my roommates is engaged, which i've mentioned before.. his fiancee will spend weekends at our house then go back to school on Monday morning.. Monday nights when they chat on the phone, it's generally a short conversation because they spent all weekend together.. so when he hangs up after 5 minutes, we'll ask him if they're fighting or if they're mad at each other.. another example.. CHG is off in at P.A. school in Ohio, so a conversation between a roommate and i will generally go like this:

him: are you going to visit her this weekend?
me: really?
him: why not?
me: because she's five states away and i'm not dating her
him: oh... are you guys fighting?

it's never not funny... side CHG note: she's currently tearing up the Ohio Flag Football circuit and is the front-runner for Defensive Player of the Year and Trash Talker of the Year awards.. i think she'd rather have the trash-talker trophy.. she's self-admittedly attempting to be the first (and sexiest) doctor/NFL middle linebacker in history, cutest ever.. look for it on Sportscenter..

one of my favorite parts of Christmas is my mom remembering something i said in April and getting it for me.. "remember back at Easter when you mentioned (whatever)?".. "no, Mom, i'm a guy, i can't remember what i bought you".. that's mom's for you, though.. just one of the little nuances to Christmas that i love..

not sure what's going on at JCPenney's but the 5-0 has been called to the scene.. hope Mills Fleet Guy didn't take people hostage with balers twine..

dear Americans, happy first day of Autumn!
dear Canadians, happy third week of snow!

a few of my favorite experiences as a freshman in college, where i lived with 2 of my current roommates:

- driving 50 minutes in a 1990 Ford Escort, lovingly given the nickname "red rocket", without a cell phone every weekend.. nothing beats driving back to school on a Sunday afternoon in the blizzard of the century in a car that decided daily whether or not it will provide heat, without a cell phone..

- having police knock on your apartment door because "someone was peeing off the balcony" during a party..

- having about 50 bottles of alcohol lining the top of our kitchen cupboards in the spring, 35 or so being Absolut Mandarin, which we mixed with orange juice.. cause, you know, it's healthy.. still can't drink that..

- McDonald's offering 2 quarter pounders for $2.22 for roughly 8 months and 2 weeks of our 9 month stay, aiding our attempt to add the "freshman 15".. was about a 25 minute round-trip to get to McDonald's.. that was negative..

- playing Pitcher/Catcher with a whiffle ball down the hallway of our apartment.. usually not sober..

- one roommate actually doing his Art homework because his "teacher is hot".. always a good reason to do homework..

- that same roommate having to leave orientation 20 minutes in because he was going to throw up.. we had an apartment-warming party the night before..

- me telling other roommate a 5-10 minute bedtime story that was legendary, completely sober.. i included various animals, a land far, far away, etc.. it was so legendary that he asks me to tell him bedtime stories to this day.. i always have to decline because nothing will ever live up to that.. i amazed myself..

- waking up for 9:00 a.m. class and seeing my roommates back already from 8:00 class, playing PS2 and saying, "you're not going to class, right?".. then me throwing my backpack on the couch... hence the failing grade in Algebra... like i care about the difference between an obtuse triangle and that other kind of triangle that's not a equilateral triangle.. i'm still alive..

- refusing to pick up roommates from the "baseball house" at midnight on a school night, resulting in minors for both of them.. which didn't stop them from banging on my bedroom door when they got home, nor hanging their minors on the fridge to remind me that i could have prevented it..

- a bitch that lived below us that still has like 4 of my movies.. massive late fee..

- 39 inches of snow in 2 days.. and 2 days of shoveling, especially after my car was buried by roommates and fellow apartment dwellers for being late to help shovel..

- taking 2nd place in the intramural basketball league and trash-taking throughout.. apparently they didn't realize we went to Basketball High School..

- that hot girl in my public speaking class.. think her name was Angela and that she wanted to marry me..

- trips back and forth home with one roommate, totally rocking N'Sync "This I Promise You".. i wish i were kidding..

- having a class called Study Skills in which i took the notes of both roommates who had the class before.. one of them had failed the class.. the lesson, as always: i'm an idiot..

- being drunk one night and deciding (with some peer pressure) that was the right time to pierce my right earlobe, to match the left one.. without ice.. without a starter earring.. not sure why i'm still friends with these people..


Lyrics of the Week

"All I Ever Wanted" by Chuck Wicks

Girl you got me goin'
Yeah, I think you know it
Oh, I'm ready for this ride
So c'mon take my hand
Cause, only you, you understand
How to kick this feelin' into..

Drive all night with me
Sing the favorite song to sleep
Under the stars on the hood of our car
It's all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

Was to see you in the pale moonlight
Just the way you look tonight
And maybe someday
If love comes our way
We'll be walkin' in the meadow in the early spring
You'll be twirlin' in a sundress wearing my ring
Can you see it
Girl, I believe that it's true
All I ever wanted, all I ever really wanted
Was you

If life is what you make it
Here's my chance, I'll take it
You know I want to make you mine
I had this picture in my mind
And you were in it all the time
So baby hold on tight

Drive all night with me
Sing the favorite song to sleep
Under the stars on the hood of our car
It's all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

Was to see you in the pale moonlight
Just the way you look tonight
And maybe someday
If love comes our way
We'll be walkin' in the meadow in the early spring
You'll be twirlin' in a sundress wearing my ring
Can you see it
Girl I believe that it's true
All I ever wanted, all I ever really wanted
Was you


"Love Remembers" by Craig Morgan

You can't forget what love was wearing
When it walked out your front door
Where you fell down to your knees
And can't forget the kind of suitcase
That was packed out on the sidewalk
While you cried there beggin' please
But love remembers

You can lie and tell yourself
You're over it and someone else will take love's place
And this is for the best
You can lie in that bed
In a stranger's arms reachin' for comfort
Close your eyes and still get no rest

Cause love remembers
The smell of a summer day
Lying in a hammock over fresh cut grass
And the promise of forever
Yeah love remembers
The sound of the pouring rain
Beatin' down on the top of a car
On the side of the road
Where it couldn't wait
Yeah, love remembers

You might convince yourself
There's shelter in a bottle
For a while there it might numb the pain
But when it hits you, then it hits you
That love's still gone and you'll be wishin'
That you'd poured it down the drain

Cause love remembers
The taste of cotton candy lip gloss
On the lips of a long kiss
And the plans they made together
Yeah love remembers
The feel, the fingertips
Running through soakin' wet hair
On the bank after a midnight swim
Yeah, love remembers

Yeah, love remembers
The smell of a summer day
Lying in a hammock over fresh cut grass
And the promise of forever
Love remembers
The sound of the pouring rain
Beatin' down on the top of a car
On the side of the road
Where it couldn't wait
Yeah, love remembers


Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start
Oh, But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find


"Mudfootball" by Jack Johnson

Saturday morning and it's time to go
One day these could be the days but who could have known
Loading in the back of a pickup truck
Riding with the boys and pushing the luck
Singing songs loud on the way to the game
Wishing all the things could still be the same
Chinese homeruns over the backstop
Kakua on the ball and soda pop well...

We used to laugh a lot
But only because we thought
That everything good always would remain
Nothing's gonna change there's no need to complain

Sunday morning and it's time to go
Been raining all night so everybody knows
Over to the field for tackle football
Big hits, big hats, yeah give me the ball
Rain is pouring, touchdown scoring
Keep on rolling, never boring
Karma, karma, karma chameleon
We're talking kinda funny from helium

We used to laugh a lot
But only because we thought
That everything good always would remain
Nothing's gonna change there's no need to complain

Monday morning and it's time to go
Wet trunks and schoolbooks and sand on my toes
Do anything you can to dodge the bus-stop blues
Like driving a padiddle with a burnt-out fuse
My best friend Kimi wants to go with you
So meet her by the sugar mill after school
My best friend Kimi wants to go with you
Meet her by the sugar mill after school

We used to laugh a lot
But only because we thought
That everything good always would remain

We used to laugh a lot
But only because we thought
That everything good always would
Everything good always would remain


"With You, Tonight" by Matt Wertz

Saturday, 600 miles
Lie between the two of us
And telephones, they can't replace
Me with you, face to face

You gotta tell me its true
You feel the same
I'm so much better when I say your name

Let me be with you tonight
Everything will be just fine
Oh, with you tonight

When streetlights kissed
Upon your lips
My jealous eyes saw it all of it
Losing sleep, we learned to be
Me with you, you with me

You gotta tell me its true
You feel the same
I'm so much better when I say your name

Let me be with you tonight
Everything will be just fine
With you tonight


"When You Turn Around" by Tim Mahoney

When the walls start closing in
In this stoplight town
Don't it make you wanna walk right outta here?
Hit the highway with the top rolled down

And then we're miles away
And twilight fades to black and white
You look in the rear view mirror
There's nothing there

I'll be Frank Sinatra
Back in Chinatown
And you will be Marilyn
Before the weight of stardom
Dragged her down

We'll meet at Rick's Cafe
And Sam will play a song again
And you'll be perfect
And I will understand you
When you turn around
And you turn around

We'll park the car by the sign that says "vacancy"
Get a room for the night
Beneath the sky with a star for every chip in Vegas
Like Sammy and Deano
And let it ride
But you look in the mirror
And you are there

I'll be Frank Sinatra
Back in Chinatown
And you will be Marilyn
Before the weight of stardom
Dragged her down

We'll meet at Rick's Cafe
And Sam will play a song again
And you'll be perfect
And I will understand you
When you turn around

On a broken fire escape
Behind the neon sun
We're a double feature that
Will never run
Until you turn around
And you turn around

When the sunrise spray paints the desert sky
And it's time to head back
Don't it make you wanna follow the darkness down
Fade to black
But you look in the mirror
There's nothing there

I'll be Frank Sinatra
Back in Chinatown
And you will be Marilyn
Before the weight of stardom
Dragged her down

We'll meet at Rick's Cafe
And Sam will play a song again
And you'll be perfect
And I will understand you
When you turn around
And you turn around

When you turn around
When you turn around