a lot of nonsense.. i was bored..

i heard the other day that there was a study done that showed 80% of Americans use their cell phone while driving.. really? how much money did we spend on this study? you could have spent zero dollars by going to any random place (a mall, sporting event, school, etc.) and asked 100 people if they use their phone while they drive and got the same results.. has anyone ever had their phone ring while driving and thought "ya know, talking on the phone while driving is dangerous, i'm not going to answer that"? absolutely not.. you might receive a text and not answer until you reach your destination but even that is really too much to ask.. how about we spend our money on studies that we could actually use, like what is it about hot girls that makes male brains absolutely shut down and forget how to speak.. or why do girls like guys that treat them like shit? this is stuff that we really need to know..

i don't care what smokers say, you can't "stop smoking whenever you want".. if you can, what is it that you enjoy about it? the increased chance of getting several dangerous diseases? paying $5 a pack to do so? ruining your clothes? your face looking like a catchers mitt? no one wanting to be in the same room as you? yes, this all sounds pleasant.. so what you really mean when you say you can quit is, "i know smoking does nothing beneficial for me but i'm addicted now so i'll just say negative things about it so people don't bug me about quitting".. it's fine if you smoke, just don't act like it's the easiest thing in the world to quit.. if it was, more people would do so..

guys and girls dance for different reasons.. you will NEVER hear a group of guys talk about going out to dance.. girls do this all the time.. girls go out dancing to forget about guys.. guys dance hoping to drunkenly make out with a girl.. that's the only purpose.. girls are usually good dancers.. most guys dance like an octopus falling out of a tree.. it's not attractive one bit.. but we know that and we're still too drunk to care.. i'll get out on the dance floor and look like the biggest idiot there but i have fun doing it.. and obviously i have a hidden agenda, i'm trying to grind on and make out with a random red-hot, racked out chick.. otherwise i'd be in the corner watching Sportscenter.. at least now you girls know.. we're doing it for you, be grateful..

i learned today that one of my co-workers has kidney stones, which i've heard is one of the most painful medical situations to deal with... my dad had them a while back and he has backed that statement.. evidently if you get them, you notice blood in your urine.. if i see blood in my urine, my immediate thought would be, "well, it was a good run".. i'd be assuming the worst right away, like i had less than a week to live.. but blood in your urine, can you imagine what goes through your head at that point? on the list of stuff i want to see coming out of my penis, blood or stones didn't make the cut.. not even "honorable mention".. the list basically consists of urine and baby making stuff.. that's it.. anything else and i'm on my way to the hospital.. actually i could live with beer coming out of there.. i'd still probably head to the hospital but i'd need a designated driver.. in all honesty, i might piss Miller Lite.. i'm fairly confident they taste exactly the same.. not to trivialize childbirth for women but i think kidney stones for men would be a somewhat comparable pain.. BUT to get pregnant you get to have sex and when childbirth is over you get to take home a kid and love them.. when you pass a kidney stone you get to take home a plastic cup with stones in it.. advantage: females, right? just kidding girls, we appreciate you carrying our offspring.. just give us the same sentimental treatment if we end up with kidney stones..

received a text today from my sister reminiscing about one particular moment of a tape of our high school overnight grad party.. they went around to all the students asking what they planned to do after high school, and one fellow male classmate of ours said word for word "i think i'm going to run my baler for a while and see what happens".. i don't want to ruin the ending but i'm fairly sure "virginity" happened.. "never seeing female breasts or genitalia" happened.. women may think Kenny Chesney's "tractor is sexy" but they don't think this guys baler is sexy.. he probably spends his weekends doing chores and watching Nascar, hoping the price of beans and corn goes up.. i just don't understand it.. God bless farmers, they are absolutely necessary to keep the country running, but i honestly don't get it.. i spent several summers as a little guy helping my cousins bale hay and every minute of it sucked.. the only thing i could think of was going to the lake afterwards, or wondering if they'd let me go home if i stuck my head in the baler.. definitely not something i'd want to do for a living.. give me an air conditioned office with several boombalottie secretaries wearing low-cut tops, thank you very much..

is anyone else scared to death by the preview of "The Strangers" that's on TV now? my God, where is my baby blanket? just those masks are scary as hell.. "why are you doing this?" "because you were home".. oh, ummm do you mind if i step out for a bit? i have some errands to run.. at least it's based on actual events, so that makes it 3 million times scarier.. i can't wait to see it and scream like a girl scout..