what guys care about...

men and women have a misunderstanding about what the other gender cares about.. so, on behalf of all men, here is what we care about and what we don't..

we care about: what your friends think about us... in all honesty, we worry more about impressing your friends than impressing your parents.. your friends are the ones that will tell you if we're worth your time, and all it takes to impress your parents is dressing nice and being polite during dinner.. if your friends don't like us, the future looks pretty bleak..

we don't care about: strip clubs.. honestly... i'm serious.. we go there less for the naked ladies and more for the male bonding.. it's more comical than sexy, except for the old, creepy dudes who are there by themselves in the front row with the drunken stare.. i can't speak for them..

we care about: anything negative you say about your ex.. to a certain extent.. we don't need to hear about him daily, weekly or monthly or even by name.. but we're dying to hear the sentence "you're the best at (fill in the blank, preferably with something sexual)".. we don't want you to be too hung up on anyone in your past but if you say it in a way that compliments us more so than disses them, we're less likely to think you're still into them..

we don't care about: anything positive you say about your ex.. we're not them.. you're not with them anymore and there's a reason for that.. let it go..

we care about: your level of confidence.. if a girl can be with you in a room full of strangers and not be glued to your side the whole night, that's super hot.. her ability to handle herself and maintain conversations with total strangers is key and it also shows she's attempting to get to know your crowd, which says she likely sees a future with you.. plus it gives you the opportunity to flirt with her from across the room which doesn't suck..

we don't care about: what you wear.. we think you look uber-hot in just your underwear and one of our old t-shirts, so don't worry too much about our fashion sense.. if it matches and it fits the occasion, we're totally happy.. so when you say you'll be ready at 8:00, be ready by at least 8:15.. besides, the sooner we leave the sooner we can get you home and see that underwear/t-shirt combo again, which is our main goal anyway.. (one exception: you do have one pair of jeans that makes your butt look insane.. we couldn't pick them out of your closet but when you put them on, all we want to do is grab your ass.. we'll let you know what ones they are)..

we care about: how high-maintenance you are.. it's NEVER cool.. don't take yourself too seriously, it's just life.. the world doesn't revolve around you and we're not interested in you if you think that.. treat everyone right, laugh, have fun, be goofy and enjoy life.. we'll enjoy being around you that much more..

we don't care about: your stash of condoms.. if you have one when we don't, it doesn't make you a slut, it makes you a hero.. just find one as quickly as possible.. also, don't be mad at us if we do have one.. we'd just rather the reason we're not having sex be "you're not that attractive" instead of "you don't have protection".. it's easier to beat ourselves up about not spending a few dollars than having a uni brow and beer gut..

we care about: your pleasure more than ours.. if we didn't, sex would last 3 minutes and foreplay would consist of undressing.. but for you, we pretty much need Mapquest, a globe, a GPS system and a compass just to find the right place and then we need to hang out there for 20 minutes or so (yeah, i read Cosmo).. but we'd rather have you let us know what you want than let us assume it's okay to treat your nipples like a chew toy and jackhammer your vagina.. we know you're going to be telling your friends about this, we'd rather you use the phrase "neighbor-waking" than "grocery-list making"..

we don't care about: the bitchy co-worker, best friend, classmate, girl on the bus, girl at the mall, etc.. this is part of the high-maintenance stuff i was talking about.. don't let it drag your life down because it also affects us.. unless it's life-threatening, don't worry about it..


again, i could go on for a while but i've been enough of a nerd for now.. i hope this clears things up..