oh, you were drunk? then it makes sense..

"i was drunk" is an acceptable excuse for doing the following:

* walking a long distance after the bar closes
* punching your best friend
* making out with a stranger
* falling out of a boat
* a man hugging another man
* crying over a sporting event
* getting a tattoo
* having no idea where your pants are
* having no idea who the person in your bed is
* texting or calling the person you like at 3 a.m.
* nearly getting kicked out of a concert (Nik)..
* drawing on passed out friends
* playing video games for 6 consecutive hours
* eating an entire bag of Doritos
* having meaningless sex with a blogger :)
* grinding on the hot girl on the dance floor
* doing karaoke
* telling someone they're "fucking hot"
* building a snowman
* crashing a wedding
* peeing in public
* inventing a new dance for "Soulja Boi"
* eating peanuts or popcorn for over an hour at the bar
* thinking the louder you talk, the more interesting you sound
* agreeing to do anything before noon the next day
* agreeing to be someone's Godparent, best man or bridesmaid
* thinking you're not drunk yet
* getting McDonald's at 3 a.m.
* eating at Perkins at 2 a.m.
* getting kicked off an airplane, out of a bar, out of a cab, anywhere..
* thinking you have model-looks
* thinking your ex wants a text or phone call after not speaking for months
* losing your cell phone
* forgetting your address
* thinking the stripper wants to have sex with you
* proposing a threesome with your girlfriend, or two random girls at the bar
* thinking everyone else wants to hear you say every word to the movie your watching
* agreeing to do anything more than a month away
* falling asleep anywhere
* calling someone sober for a ride at 4 a.m. on a weekday
* running from the cops


that's all i can come up with.. by the way, on the "uncomfortable scale", where does the "drunken phone conversation with your ex" land? gotta be somewhere between "falling down the stairs at a professional sporting event" and a "boy scout sleepover at Neverland Ranch", right? you ALWAYS regret it the next morning.. cell phones should come equipped with Breathalyzers and if you blow over a .08, the only places it can call is "home", "cab" or 911.. it would save people so many embarrassing conversations and apologies the next morning.. unless it led to a drunken booty call, then it's easier to deal with..